Poor old Affinity has been taking a bit of a beating this year:

1) TV Presenter Reverses Wraps Affinity around Fence!

(7^th April, 2009, Birmingham)

In a sneak three-point turn in a park in Birmingham, TV presenter Jason Bradbury reversed Affinity into a fence this morning. Cunningly executed away from the cameras, the maneuver resulted in damage to the upper shell’s trailing edge. Due to an absence of any photographic evidence, CUER has decided not to press charges.

2)  Freak Gust Deposits Upper Shell in Monaco!

(20^th March, 2009, Monaco)

A particularly strong sea breeze outside the Monte Carlo Casino this morning lifted Affinity’s upper shell clean off and deposited it on the pavement along with the windscreen. CUER members rushed to the scene after being alerted by the site’s 24h security. One security guard, who narrowly escaped being hit by the flying car, commented, “(something in French that we didn’t understand)”. Damage to the car was carefully hidden in preparation for Prince Albert II’s visit this afternoon, although the CUER team can be seen holding the shell down with their knees during the royal visit. An investigation is now being carried out by CUER’s aero team, and Chief Engineer’s Tea Boy Michael Probyn provided the following insight: “So much for it being a zero-lift vehicle.”

3)  Clumsy Fools Drop Affinity off Trailer!

(5^th March, 2009, London)

In an alarming display of incompetence, three CUER team members this evening wheeled Affinity off the trailer making less-than-perfect-use of the ramps. As New Energy Finance conference-goers rushed over to help, it was revealed that the wheel fairings, though not designed to hold the entire weight of the vehicle, appear to be structurally capable of doing so. Miraculously, Affinity escaped without sustaining any damage.

4) Incompetent Team Manager Causes Solar Car Collision!

(7^th October, 2008, Cambridge)

Absent-minded CUER Team Manager Anthony Law today drove Affinity into a Peugeot as he forgot that the solar car is wider than a bicycle. Trying to get out of the way of a rapidly approaching fire engine, Law attempted to fit Affinity into space normally only used by two-wheeled vehicles. In the ensuing chaos the solar car suffered a small scrape to the upper shell, whilst the red Peugeot was decorated with white stripe along its left-hand side.

5) Affinity on Fire at St. Anne’s Primary School!

(11^th April, 2009, Huntingdon)

Primary school pupils were amazed this morning to see black smoke emerging from Affinity’s cockpit during a visit to St. Anne’s School in Godmanchester. CUER team members cleverly followed the smoke to the source of the problem, eventually finding a faulty current sensor. Luckily no lasting damage was done and the children were thrilled by their impromptu lesson in practical electronics.

6) Horror as Drunk Girl Sits on Affinity!

(15^th April, 2009, London)

Bystanders couldn’t believe their eyes this evening as an inebriated young lady decided to use Affinity as a convenient resting place as she tottered through Leicester Square. As CUER team members rushed forward to lift her not-insubstantial weight from the delicate solar panels, cries of “Stupid *$%#@!” and “Drunken #@&^$!” were heard coming from the more sober public who were viewing the vehicle. A CUER member commented, “It made the most sickening crunch I’ve ever heard.”, but despite this, Affinity appears to have escaped relatively unscathed. The same could almost not be said of the lady in question, had it not been for the presence of mind of several CUER members quickly restraining the rabid Jonathan and Evan.

- Anthony

Come on, you'll have to get out and push...

For more information and photos of Affinity’s Land’s End to John O’Groats journey (mentioned in by Ortis Deley in the feature), visit our End to End minisite. Thanks to Jason and Ortis for being so enthusiastic about the car!

 - Anthony

The week passed by with minimal incident, although it seems that Lucy’s midnight sprint across London gave her the plague, and she was shut up in bed with warm drinks while the rest of the team were out partying with millionaires. This is no exaggeration. Except perhaps the plague part.

Affinity’s canopy finally copped it this week after a gentle freak gust of wind blew the upper shell clean off, into a couple of pedestrians, and pinned them against a fence (we maintain that they should be glad that they were incapacitated in such an eco-friendly way. Bet they’d have been a lot madder if someone’s Ferrari had been blown into them…) Her sorry internal structure of cardboard and gaffer tape was exposed to the world, but she was still interesting enough to draw a crowd.

Er...I don't suppose you could give me a hand getting out, could you, your Highness...?

HSH The Prince of Monaco closed the two-day conference, where he viewed Affinity and met members of the CUER team. Prince Albert II has long been a supporter of green technologies and it was an honour to meet him. Special thanks to Jade Summer and the Innovator Capital team for inviting us to the conference. (See also Cleantech Investor’s photo of the week.)

For more photos take a look at our CleanEquity Monaco gallery.

The truth is in there...

Numerous celebrities posed for photos with Affinity, including Gillian Anderson, Pete Postlethwaite, Vivienne Westwood, Ken Livingstone and Alastair Campbell. As an additional stunt, Ken Livingstone decided to try and play with Affinity’s canopy, causing many watching CUER members to attempt to frantically clamber over the barrier to stop him. Jonathan and Anthony were, of course, too busy rubbing shoulders with the stars to notice for a while. Not that we’re bitter.

It was a tremendous day for all. Photographer Chris was well-placed (about 2ft above the rest of the crowd) to get some excellent shots (see his photos of the event) while Mark P was finally able to openly indulge his love of KT Tunstall by screaming adoringly at her until she signed a flyer. Lucy was less thrilled to have to pretend to be a Will Young fan, and got over the traumatising experience by getting Scully’s Gillian Anderson’s autograph after the show.

It is debatable who had the more enjoyable time. Those of us not deemed important enough to merit an actual ticket to the premiere (seriously, not bitter at all, honest) were instead treated to a fantastic meal by Kento’s parents at their restaurant (Kiku in Mayfair – visit if you get a chance! Given five CUER stars by some very hungry team members…) the highlight of which was DEFINITELY watching Mark learn to use chopsticks for the first time. Amazing how many highly educated polite persons are reduced to the level of a blind monkey when faced with two sticks and some peanuts…

Disaster later struck when Evan and Lucy were summoned back to the premiere as fast as their legs could carry them due to an “emergency”. Useful fact #1 - do not ever try to sprint from Mayfair to Leicester Square on a full stomach. It is not of an enjoyable nature. It is even less enjoyable to arrive there only to realise that, actually, the emergency was that Pip couldn’t get her car out from behind the Land Cruiser. Many words were uttered.

Late into the night the valiant team stayed chatting to passers-by in an attempt to scrounge some Friends (are YOU a Friend of CUER? You should be!) and, in one horrific case, rush to explain in little words to a rather large and inebriated girl that, actually, of all the places to drunkenly cease to support your own weight, right on top of a very expensive solar electric vehicle is one of the worst imaginable.

Good luck to Evan, Lucy and John the driver, off to Monaco with Affinity tomorrow!

Watch Channel 4 News’ coverage of the event, or see photos at Guardian.co.uk and BBC News. Special thanks to Lizzie Gillett, the producer, for inviting us to the event and giving us tickets to the star-studded premiere!

And seriously – don’t EVER run from Mayfair to Leicester Square. No parking ticket is worth it.

The team displayed Affinity on Bankside Pier before the Awards Dinner – a great opportunity to explain how CUER can play a role in developing the technologies of the future and changing public perceptions. Special thanks to Michael Liebreich and the New Energy Finance team for the invitation!

-Anthony