Poor old Affinity has been taking a bit of a beating this year:
1) TV Presenter Reverses Wraps Affinity around Fence!
(7th April, 2009, Birmingham)
In a sneak three-point turn in a park in Birmingham, TV presenter Jason Bradbury reversed Affinity into a fence this morning. Cunningly executed away from the cameras, the maneuver resulted in damage to the upper shell’s trailing edge. Due to an absence of any photographic evidence, CUER has decided not to press charges.
2) Freak Gust Deposits Upper Shell in Monaco!
(20th March, 2009, Monaco)
A particularly strong sea breeze outside the Monte Carlo Casino this morning lifted Affinity’s upper shell clean off and deposited it on the pavement along with the windscreen. CUER members rushed to the scene after being alerted by the site’s 24h security. One security guard, who narrowly escaped being hit by the flying car, commented, “(something in French that we didn’t understand)”. Damage to the car was carefully hidden in preparation for Prince Albert II’s visit this afternoon, although the CUER team can be seen holding the shell down with their knees during the royal visit. An investigation is now being carried out by CUER’s aero team, and Chief Engineer’s Tea Boy Michael Probyn provided the following insight: “So much for it being a zero-lift vehicle.”
3) Clumsy Fools Drop Affinity off Trailer!
(5th March, 2009, London)
In an alarming display of incompetence, three CUER team members this evening wheeled Affinity off the trailer making less-than-perfect-use of the ramps. As New Energy Finance conference-goers rushed over to help, it was revealed that the wheel fairings, though not designed to hold the entire weight of the vehicle, appear to be structurally capable of doing so. Miraculously, Affinity escaped without sustaining any damage.
4) Incompetent Team Manager Causes Solar Car Collision!
(7th October, 2008, Cambridge)
Absent-minded CUER Team Manager Anthony Law today drove Affinity into a Peugeot as he forgot that the solar car is wider than a bicycle. Trying to get out of the way of a rapidly approaching fire engine, Law attempted to fit Affinity into space normally only used by two-wheeled vehicles. In the ensuing chaos the solar car suffered a small scrape to the upper shell, whilst the red Peugeot was decorated with white stripe along its left-hand side.
5) Affinity on Fire at St. Anne’s Primary School!
(11th April, 2009, Huntingdon)
Primary school pupils were amazed this morning to see black smoke emerging from Affinity’s cockpit during a visit to St. Anne’s School in Godmanchester. CUER team members cleverly followed the smoke to the source of the problem, eventually finding a faulty current sensor. Luckily no lasting damage was done and the children were thrilled by their impromptu lesson in practical electronics.
6) Horror as Drunk Girl Sits on Affinity!
(15th April, 2009, London)
Bystanders couldn’t believe their eyes this evening as an inebriated young lady decided to use Affinity as a convenient resting place as she tottered through Leicester Square. As CUER team members rushed forward to lift her not-insubstantial weight from the delicate solar panels, cries of “Stupid *$%#@!” and “Drunken #@&^$!” were heard coming from the more sober public who were viewing the vehicle. A CUER member commented, “It made the most sickening crunch I’ve ever heard.”, but despite this, Affinity appears to have escaped relatively unscathed. The same could almost not be said of the lady in question, had it not been for the presence of mind of several CUER members quickly restraining the rabid Jonathan and Evan.
- Anthony
